My feminine spirit has a confession to make…………

All this is a consequence of choosing to live my truth, my more authentic self and implement more self love in my life.  Yes, that has brought me a greater freedom in life to express who I am without judgement and therefore be emotionally safe in my own home and yes it also brought me a love that is the epitome of unconditional love and a love that I know is twin soul founded that spans eons of time.

This however has come a great cost and as I sit here today I still wonder if it has all been worth it.  I know at the time I made the decision to end my marriage, it was the only decision I could have made as I do know my relationship is what it was and it was never going to be what I needed it to be, just as I know now the same is true for my business relationship surrounding my mediumship.  After 20years it too is what it is, a constant merry-go-round of struggle and emotional turmoil, never reaching the degrees of success I always intended.  Hmmm….perhaps this mediumship energy is what sponsors the constant cycling with depression.

Therefore today, just as I did nearly 5years ago I break up the marriage I have had with my business and the psychic medium energy that sponsors it.  It is no longer acceptable to earn less than the minimum wage and it is no longer acceptable to do for others what I am unable to do for myself – facilitate healing.

I have it within me to craft a new future (or so I hear quite often from Spirit).  You see, the one thing I haven’t given up on is HOPE.  It still exists within me like a little beacon of light that is guiding me through the darkness.  And while I have to reach new land where the footing is more solid, I do know that as I look out upon the horizon I see the sun shining.

This gives me hope and while at times I can be completely exasperated with Spirit for ever-present proverbial dropping of the carrot, I also know there is no other choice but to keep going and keep being me.  For I do not know how to be anything that is not connected to Spirit and can only make my life choices from a place of authentic alignment to my Soul and what feels right, no matter how tough that may be.

According to the great spiritual teachers of our day, this is what is supposed to lead you to joy, happiness and abundance right?  I guess they forget to tell you how Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross symbolically relates to each of us on our journey to the kingdom of Christ.

I vaguely recall having a conversation with Spirit last night during the twilight of sleep about why I need to attend a writer’s conference in 2021.  I heard that even after writing and self publishing two books I still need to own the author in me.  And as I write this, I recall a previous conversation this year and being told that until I do I will keep going around in circles with my life.

I write because it is cathartic and does bring me a great deal of clarity.  I find when I bring pen to paper and express how I feel it helps to make much more sense of it while also releasing some of its energy as it goes out into the world.  So while I don’t have any answers for where I am at right now, I do know two things.

Firstly, the answers do not lie outside of myself and nor do they lie in any healing modality.  Secondly, I must write!

So today, I choose to renew a commitment to my blog.  Not because I am writing to serve you and educate regarding Spirit, mediumship and the like or to support my business with marketing but to serve me.  If in doing so, speaks to you in some way that it helps you heal or inspires you to be brave enough to live your truth then I am blessed to know that you are part of the gift that exists in my journey.